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NFL Conference Championships Preview

NFL Conference Championships Preview

Unbelievably, the NFL season only has three games left to play, and these are two of them. The AFC and NFC Championship Games have historically decided who would be moving on to the great and powerful Super Bowl! This year, the games are largely ceremonial as the World Champion has already been decided and sent

Unbelievably, the NFL season only has three games left to play, and these are two of them. The AFC and NFC Championship Games have historically decided who would be moving on to the great and powerful Super Bowl! This year, the games are largely ceremonial as the World Champion has already been decided and sent in an envelope for safekeeping at Warren Beatty’s house. Good old reliable Warren Beatty.

The Jaguars stunning upset against the Steelers last week may have ended all hopes that yet another dark coronation is avoidable, but I wouldn’t dismiss these scrappy cats from Jacksonville just yet. It is entirely possible that the Jaguars have used a “magic football” to absorb the talents and abilities of real football players and have thus turned from puny, insignificant creatures into hulking, unstoppable beasts. The only possible way that even the Patriots could withstand this onslaught is if they recruited a wacky team of anthropomorphized talking animals and then managed to draw Tim Tebow away from a comparatively successful baseball career to quarterback the team. But there’s no chance that New England could have foreseen that…whaddaya mean Belichick has already gameplanned for this shit?!

Pick: Seven More Goddamn Months of Winter

After the euphoria of winning in what was one of the greatest finishes to a playoff game in history, the Vikings have to face a sober truth: they have to go to Philadelphia. And yes, they have to play there, but they actually have to visit and stay in Philadelphia. Granted, being from Minneapolis, the Vikings don’t have a lot of room to talk, but if we’ve learned anything from the 18 Rocky movies, Philadelphia is pretty awful. In those films, Rocky Balboa chooses to endure repeated, sometimes near-fatal beatings just to escape the reality of living in Philadelphia for the most fleeting of moments. The Vikings must surely wonder why the cost of winning is so high and whether they’ll be in any shape at all to face the Eagles, who were replaced with animatronic puppets years ago and thus cannot experience the mental and physical trauma of being in Philadelphia.

Our Prediction: Paaaaaaain.

Alex Rhoades
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